My needs...

Sometimes you have put yourself first...no matter how strange and uncomfortable that may be. You need to find your boundaries in certain relationships and state where the line is in order to stop the downward pull of depression and unhappiness from our own unmet needs. Sometimes not hurting someone else's feelings has to come second to recognizing that we are hurting ourself by putting their needs before our own. This is not an easy thing to do. It causes conflict, hurt and pain and anger especially once they realize we are serious. Then its hard to keep our resolve and hold fast to those boundaries...its so much easier to give in, remain unhappy and avoid the conflict. I hate conflict. I think we all do really. That is why putting our needs first is so difficult and going with the status quo is the usual rule. I changed that this week. I did what my counsellor said and made known my need to be alone, to get to know who I am and what I want before being bound in a relationship. It did not go over well, but I am standing firm to what I need. I was feeling the sinking, black vortex of depression and unhappiness swallowing me whole again, and I couldn't bare it! I could no long deny my sadness at not being true to myself...