My needs...

Sometimes you have put yourself first...no matter how strange and uncomfortable that may be. You need to find your boundaries in certain relationships and state where the line is in order to stop the downward pull of depression and unhappiness from our own unmet needs. Sometimes not hurting someone else's feelings has to come second to recognizing that we are hurting ourself by putting their needs before our own. This is not an easy thing to do. It causes conflict, hurt and pain and anger especially once they realize we are serious. Then its hard to keep our resolve and hold fast to those boundaries...its so much easier to give in, remain unhappy and avoid the conflict. I hate conflict. I think we all do really. That is why putting our needs first is so difficult and going with the status quo is the usual rule. I changed that this week. I did what my counsellor said and made known my need to be alone, to get to know who I am and what I want before being bound in a relationship. It did not go over well, but I am standing firm to what I need. I was feeling the sinking, black vortex of depression and unhappiness swallowing me whole again, and I couldn't bare it! I could no long deny my sadness at not being true to myself...

Saffron Rice

My friend, Lisabeth is a great cook. In the past we have shared more meals together than I can count and one dish always got rave reviews and requests for second helpings by the most picky eaters. That is her Saffron Rice. Its very easy to make and goes with anything from baked chicken to spicey Thai.

Start off with 2 tbsps butter, melt in pot. Add 1/2 cup chopped onion and saute slowly till translucent. Add pinch of salt to onions to bring out the flavor. Grab a generous pinch of good quality saffron (all red stems, no yellow!) and crumble into the onion mixture. Next add 2 cups chicken stock/broth, 1 cup of white or jasmine rice and bring to a boil. Cover, turn down heat and cook 20-25 mins till all moisture is absorbed into rice. Remove from heat. Let stand for 5 mins. Fluff with fork and serve.

*have gotten a tip that covering saffron with hot water (small amt--about 1/4) releases more flavor and use both the saffron and the water in the recipe.

Lisabeth says this works for white and jasmine rice, but she's never tried brown rice. It usually takes a bit more moisture but I'm sure it would work. Try it and let me know!

Daughter #1

Lindzay Brooke Irving is the oldest of my 4 kids and by far the most dynamic so far. Lindzay has very diverse interests and abilities and she continues to amaze me on a daily basis. She is gifted in many ways, especially in the arts. She loves to sing and to act and happens to be enormously talented in both.

She has been in numerous plays, both through school and through semi-professional theatre. Her most recent plays were Thoroughly Modern Millie (of which she played Millie)...



and the Taming of the Shrew. In the Shrew she once again jumped into the role of the old man (sorry, can't remember the name). She did this before when she played Polonius in another Shakespeare play...it was hilarious and made the play a hit...both times!







Lindzay graduated from high school this past June which opens a new chapter of her life as a young woman. She is totally excited to go to Oregon State University with Engineering as her major and also she will be part of the Honours College. Lindzay has talents in sciences and maths as well. So she is a very rounded, expressive and hard working young lady! Whenever her brother or sister need help- I send them her way...unfortunately her talent with math isn't a gene I can say came from me!!




My daughter has a strong sense of self and very strong self esteem. This allowed her to participate in a project she felt very strongly about-- shaving her hair for Dornbecher Children's Hospital for cancer research. She helped raise $3000 by volunteering to have her hair shaved off. I had tears in my eyes I was so proud of her!



She's always had such a nice little head! Even as a baby her head was perfect. And damn she looks good bald!!


Another great memory for Lindzay and for us was watching her be a part of Spring Court this year. She picked out orange as her dress color and I thought--Orange??!! But she pulled it off and looked stunning.




She also volunteered her little sister to be part of the Spring Court and Tici also got to dress up and wear a long flowing gown and get her hair done. Tici emulates Lindzay in many ways and she felt so grown up in her roll and enjoyed spending special time with her big sis.



The icing on the cake for all of us was when Lindzay and her good friend and SpringFest partner, Jay, were nominated Prom king and queen! She didn't expect it and when it finally sunk in--the tears came for her and for me! I'm the mom of not only the Wicked Witch of the West (her very first real acting role), but the Prom Queen! I count my blessings every day and delight in watching my daughter change and grow into a remarkable young woman. What a great gift to have her in my life.

Front Bed

This front bed was done to replace another bunch of insane rose bushes. I was tired of constantly pruning the bush and wanted another bed like the north side of the house. One with flowers and beautiful perfume scents that would make sitting on the front porch more inviting.

The center of the bed is a perfume wonder- a gardenia. The flowers bloom in late summer and the fragrance is light and inviting. On either side are miniature rhododendrons that bloom white too. There are geraniums and pansies and petunias in colors of burgandy, red, purple and white.




The greatest perfume scent comes from the 2 jasmine climbers planted near the brick posts. You cant beat the smell of jasmine in springtime...its intoxicating. Rounding off the color in the porch are various pots and planters and 3 hanging baskets. I've not had much luck with hanging baskets. It gets so hot on the front porch that the plants just shrivel up. The pansy trailers have done better than other plants so far, but I'm still looking for the perfect plants for this spot.



This miniature japanese maple has grown 2 feet since I moved into the house. I keep it trimmed and fed and it is doing very well.




These 2 baskets on the back of the porch contain ornamental grass, verbenia, pansy and a nice trailer with tiny white flowers. They have just been replanted so the flowers are still small, but will fill out and be gorgeous soon.

As you can tell, I really enjoy plants. I think that flowers are God's gifts to us. Their colors and perfumes can lift our bad mood and add joy to our life. They just make me happy!

North Bed

This is one of the new beds I made this spring. Previously it contained 3 large rose shrub bushes that would grow at a ridiculously fast pace and the more they were pruned back, the harder and faster they'd grow! And thorns! Holy cow there were thorns! I hated those bushes. I wanted a bed that was low maintenance, no thorns and colorful.






I planted gladiola bulbs in the back of the bed for height, and used 2 white mini azalea shrubs as the focal point. I found some lovely red-orange-yellow lantana to plant along the sides of the azalea with yellow-orange daisy-like plants in front of them and white geraniums to replace the primroses that just didn't work there.









This varigated azalea was tranferred from the herb bed near the patio after I found the poor thing underneath my rosemary and oregano plants! I'd totally forgotten it was there and I will say that he's very happy with the move. He even sprouted numerous blooms and has grown 5 inches in just a few months. He get the center of the bed.




I am very happy with the progress so far this summer. The glads happened to bloom with a yellow-orange combination (except for the 2 end blooms which are purple) and it seems like that has become the theme of the flowers...it worked out just fine!

Contemplation...

Every now and again we come to a crossroads in our life when a decision must be made about which path we should continue down. The pros and cons of each direction must be contemplated, weighed, considered and then the choice made. Such a point has entered my life this week and the decisions are very hard and taxing. During these times, I find myself drawn to the power of the ocean to help me keep things in perspective.

When decisions seem overwhelming and the choices feel out of my reach. I am comforted by the vastness of the ocean. I am warmed by the sunlight on the sea.




I am calmed by the noise of the waves.



This allows me to keep my problems and decisions in perspective. And I know if I can continue to be awed and inspired by what the earth presents to me, I will see what sometimes appears as overwhelming and difficult for what it really is--a chance to change and to grow and to renew.
That in itself is its own crossroad...

Backyard Redo 08

I like to garden. I find pulling weeds and planting things to be very therapeutic...calming and enjoyable. I like to have color and picking and working with plants makes me happy! So, this year I decided we were going to have a garden. My kids have been asking to have one for awhile and I figured it would be nice to have some of our own produce to eat and enjoy. I also figured that I needed to transplant the roses that are against the fence since they appeared to be less than healthy and needed a more welcoming place to call home.



This is my backyard prior to the landscaping. The big round circle was actually dug out of the grass to place an inflatable pool. We had one for year and then it got holes in it and we didn't get a new one. The post is part of an arbor that is a hideous red stained thing!




This is the far end of the concrete patio. The beds along the fence contain hydrangea and lilac and some herbs I planted and pots I've put out for color. One thing to note is that the guy who originally owned my house planted trees and shrubs like a mad man! Without regard for how much space each plant needed or how large the trees would get! And...there was very little color other than..green. That needed to be changed.




Here are the wonderful raised beds my friend built for me. They are 16 feet by 4 feet and all 3 fit very nicely into that large pool circle we carved out before. The bed against the fence has had all the roses removed and relocated and I've planted lupines and raspberry bushes there.



Here are 3 of the roses we transplanted to the south side of the house. Within 1 week all of the plants were blooming and have continued to produce prolific blooms all summer long and have grown to 3 times the size they were when against the fence! I'm thankful I didn't just yank them out and throw them away and buy new ones. I have also have 10 or so pots along the concrete patio with an abundance of colorful flowers...but wait till you see the front and north side beds!!

The Gift of Friends...

I have been blessed in this lifetime with the gift of wonderful friends. People who have been there for me even when I didn't know I needed them to be. People who are closer in my heart to family than many of my own blood relatives. People who I will love and cherish always. Two of those people are Marsha and Lenny. I met Marsha through work. We started our jobs at the same time and went through our orientation together. I was drawn to her sense of humor, her enthusiasm for life and the caring way she talks about Lenny, the love of her life. Marsha has a way of looking at things that smack you upside of the head without actually smacking you! She is hopeful, realistic and non-judgemental and she helped me immensely during the time in my life when I was desperately unhappy and my marriage was falling apart. She was a terrific support person for me. Lenny is a great match for Marsha! He is always willing to try anything and he and Marsha have a great deal of fun living life to the fullest. I don't know Lenny as well as I know Marsha, but as we spend more time together I appreciate him for his loving support of my dear friend, his sense of humor, and his adventurous spirit!



Today was a difficult day for Marsha. We all felt her pain and her loss and only hope that knowing we cared and were there for her helped make her day a little easier. It is difficult for us nurses to accept that we need the hugs and support of others...we spend every day giving and caring to everyone else...we play down or shrug off our need to be supported as a rule, but today I gave hugs and tears to a dear friend who needed it and I know she would do the same for me...that is a gift to cherish.

Near summers end...

It's hard to believe summer is almost over already. Wasn't it June just yesterday?! This fall we deal with four kids in four different schools ranging from college (OSU- go Beavs!!) to primary school. Dear God don't let me lose my datebook! This will be a true test of my organizational skills and my sanity.

But, seriously. Its been a great summer, well, not great, but nice...Although driving back home for a visit with grama turned into a drive to Saskatchewan for her funeral. That was the "not so great" part. But, seeing my glass half full, rather than half empty; we capitalized on the opportunity to see and talk to family members that we would not have otherwise seen during our trip and that was a real gift.

We've also been lucky to have Bastien here. A wonderful young man who is a childhood friend of Lindzay's from France. He is will us till the end of August. I hoped to use his visit as an excuse to improve my french, but go figure...he and Lindzay have better things to do than sit around with mom speaking French all day! Alors!

Computer Hell

Its truly amazing how much time computer issues can take. I have spent 2 days (upwards of 14 hrs) messing with, yelling at, removing and reinstalling, reconfiguring and re-reconfiguring my laptop JUST to get my wireless card functioning and get back online! 14hrs! I thought computers were supposed to free up your time for more important things, not take up all of your time fixing them. ARGGGGG!