A Great Book

I just finished reading Eat Pray Love and found it to be one of the most real and inspiring books I've read in a long time. It is filled with real, honestly described emotions and true, heartfelt, non-judgemental self evaluation. It appealed to me because I have been on a journey of self discovery and understanding for awhile now and only wish I was able to copy what she was able to do...to leave the real world for a year on a quest of self healing and self discovery.

I've earmarked many quotes and list here a few that particularily touched me:

"If you really want to STOP knowing someone, you have to divorce him."
--how true! The man I thought I knew for 20+ yrs quickly became a complete stranger to me in the whole divorce process!

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experiene. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

We all get lonely...but most of us will do anything to stiffle that feeling, to get away from it...even use someone else for our own short term needs. Buddhist teachings and meditation have helped me to be able to be able to stay with the feelings I am experiencing. I am learning to acknowledge the feelings, stay with them and avoid reaction. Its incredibly difficult to do!!

"Devotion is diligence without assurance. Faith is acceptance and embracement of what we are presently incapable of understanding. Divinity is a mighty jump from the rational to the inknowable."

...without these, how could we cope with the darkness that is so prevailent in our society??

"But there was something mildly thrilling for me about realizing that in my 34 yrs on earth I have NEVER not slapped at a mosquito when it was biting me. I've been a puppet to this and to millions of other small and large signals of pain or pleasure thru out my life. Whenever something happens, I ALWAYS react. But here I was-disregarding the reflex. A small thing, granted, but how often do I get to say that? And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot yet do today? I counted about 20 mosquito bites. But within a half an hour, all the bites had diminished. It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away."

I am a reactionary person. Something angers me, I react. Something appears unjust, I react. Something makes me happy, I react. The hardest lesson and the one I am working on the most is reactionism. Having to think...is this thing, situation, person that so pisses me off REALLY worth all this?? Is this going to make a difference in my life today, tomorrow and 5 yrs from now? Is the position I take now going to help me/my family or hurt us? Will this really matter?
Sometimes the BEST thing to do is to laugh and just let it go....

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship-a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses--one foot is on the horse called "fate", the other on the horse called "free will". Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it's not under my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort?"

We have so little control over what happens in our lives and in this world. We true only have control over 1 thing...our choices. We don't have control over our children, our spouses or partners, our jobs, our surroundings. This was a very, very difficult lesson for me to learn. I always felt I was in control of everything. My kids, my marriage, my friends, my life!! That one blew up in my face. My kids have their own minds. I can steer them in the right direction, especially when they are little, but as they grow up, they must choose for themselves. I am not in control, nor am I responsible for, any of their choices. I cannot MAKE my now ex-husband straighten up and fly right and realize the "wrongness" of choosing divorce over counselling and working on rebuilding our relationship and rebuilding our family (and today, I wouldn't want that decision either). I can't make my friend see that her choice isn't a good one...she must live out the consequences of that choice. All I CAN do is be here, love her and help pick up the pieces when things fall apart.... just like she did for me.

Every decision we make and act that we take has a ripple effect on everyone around us and their choices create a history and ripple through everyone around them...we think we can predict events and outcomes cause we think we know someone else SO well!!! Well, let me tell ya...from knowing someone SOOO well, it ain't so! They will do something you NEVER, EVER expected and your life and everyone's around you will be changed forever... The prospect of "being in control" is frankly---an illusion.

Read the book...it will change your life.

To OSU!!

Today marks a milestone in my daughter's life...she's off to college. Time to live on her own (just far enough to feel like she's independent, but close enough for mom to come help if its needed), start making her own decisions and running her own life!! I struggle with emotions today, but not with the emotion of sadness so much as the emotions of happiness and pride for her. SHE did this!! SHE worked her butt off for 18 yrs to make it to where she is today and I can't be prouder of her and that accomplishment. My daughter is a superstar! She is smart, she is talented, she is strong and capable and has a drive to succeed that will take her places and change the people she meets and those she calls "friends". I'm excited about where her education will take her--I'm excited about all the opportunities available to her at OSU (I wanna go too!!! The fitness center ROCKS!) and I am thrilled for this step to adulthood for her.



Deza, Tici and I drove her to OSU and my daughter picked the 6th floor in the dorm for her room!! The 6th and highest floor! We carted most of the things up those 6 flights of stairs and My God! running down those stairs felt like a fair ride. We were almost nauseous from being so dizzy when we finally reached the bottom...OK, I really WAS nauseous.



All the rooms were papered with the kids' names and a sheet for them to fill out giving a bit of information about each of them. We passes several kids arranging their rooms in various ways, but we arrived a bit late to get any loft kits. The kits allow you to disassemble your bed and raise it up so you can either slide your roommate's bed underneath it or slide your desk under so you have more room. Lindzay will go in the am and get one to re-arrange her bed.









Tici is trying to jump up on the bed...she can't quite make it cause its too high.




View out the bedroom window...



First load of stuff is in...Where are we going to put it all???



The armour holds a surprising amount of stuff! Good thing cause she brought a lot!!



Here is a parting picture of Lindzay in front of the McNary Hall. She is going to LOVE it here!!

My Crying Fairy....

I've been searching for awhile for another tattoo design and I found it the day I went to watch V get hers. The picture I saw was of a crying fairy who looked very much like a little girl. She was sitting with her bowed head resting on her arms holding a long sword. This image appealed to me on many levels, but I needed to change it to something older, more 'weathered' and a bit more tragic. I wanted her sitting on something...a toadstool or a leaf...I choose the autumn leaf...its aged, browning and its edges curling under, but still enough life in it to be green near the veins. I didn't want the butterfly perfect wings like on the original design...I wanted whispy, torn imperfect wings....symbolizing my whipsy, torn, tattered self, but with enough strength to weld the sword and enough softness and heart left in me to still feel regret...to still cry. I think she captured just what I wanted...



The outlining is done. She looks very beautiful just like this, but the color will enhance it and make it beautiful.


Initial shading is complete. The pain with the shading is warm and intense at times what with all the nerves being pinned with the needles at one time...but easy to tolerate and even enjoy...but after 2 hours I was ready to be finished!!



The color of the leaf is going to be very subtle. Its quite pronounced right now, but my lily white skin gets very red and the brown was put on quite thick since brown tends to be an ink that fades quickly. She chose an olive green tinge rather than a leaf green to go with the aged look.



And...she done. My leg is very red and it makes the pinky-purple wings look VERY red! This will calm down in 3-4 weeks and I will go back in for the silvery white touch up and the blood red drips on the sword. She colored her hair brownish-blond...like mine! Its an artistic impression of the trials in my life and how I've overcome many of them.....and I just love her!!

By The Seat of My Pants

Remove lid after about 5-8 mins and turn over the halibut. Cover again with lid.




While halibut is cooking, in another saucepan heat olive oil and butter. Saute onions and garlic together until onions are soft and translucent. Stir often so garlic doesn't scorch. Add mushrooms and cook just till soft. Add 1/3 of a bag (Costco bag) of fresh, precleaned spinach and stir every 15 sec or so. Spinach will cook very quickly and I don't like it over done. Remove from heat and it will continue to cook a bit while you plate up.



Doesn't this look pretty? And it was very quick to make (absolutely NO reason to buy fast food!) and the little tomatoes are even from my own garden.



This is a perfect, light and healthy meal! You could also substitute sole or snapper or any other light white fish, but I also think salmon and tuna would go well too.



I chose an Australian Chardonnay cause it goes well with the flavor of the halibut, but also with the somewhat bitter taste of the spinach. It went very well. A Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand (Brancott is my favorite Sauv Blanc) would also go very well.

And let me just say....it was fabulous!

By The Seat of My Pants

I enjoy cooking. I like to create dishes that are loaded with fresh ingredients, simple to prepare and have a European ring to them. What is frustrating for some of my friends and family, is that I cook like my grama--mostly without a recipe and go by the seat of my pants with what I add. So, I thought I'd try and photograph my ingredients and steps and make my really great finds easier for others to duplicate. This one is a great tasting, very quick prep fish dish.
First, I've cut up (and I do mean "I" cut up--I don't own a food processor, mandolin-though I'd love one--or anything...just a really sharp knife!) some chantrelles that I have lightly moistened and wiped dry with a paper towel. Tip: Never immerse mushrooms in water (unless you are using dried mushrooms) or they get yucky and soggy.




I have a whole vidalla onion and 2 cloves of garlic. I love garlic and use a lot of it. The onion will be sliced in 1/2 rings and saved for the next dish. The garlic will be chopped finely with a very sharp knife, not crushed.



I have added about 2 tbsp of olive oil and about 1/4 to 1/2 tsp of butter to a non-stick frying pan over medium-high heat.



In go the chopped garlic pieces



My chosen fish for this dish is a beautiful piece of halibut. I've seasoned it with kosher salt, black pepper, dill and lemon juice. Place in the garlic/butter/olive oil mixter and cover. Turn heat to medium.

Au revoir Bastien

It is really amazing how certain people can touch our lives just by being who they are. We had the great pleasure of having Bastien come and stay with us for 5 weeks (An extra week gained by a missing passport found 2 days after his orginal flight date!) and I regret very much that he has returned to France:(

Bastien is truly a wonderful young man! I applaud his parents for helping to create such a kind, considerate, gentle, respectful, generous and sweet person that is Bastien. I have grown to adore him and feel very lucky having been allowed to get to know him and to care for him like one of my own children. He brought laughter, excitement and vitality to our home and I can only say that I wish he could have been here longer.

I am happy for the experiences he had while he was here. He became friends with our dog, Bosco after a rather rocky start...Bosco wasn't at all sure about Bastien and those very, very poofy pants! He has a style that is all his own and he is very comfortable with who he is- a lot like my daughter and I believe that has a lot to do with why they get along so well. Lindzay took him to more movies in 5 weeks than he has seen in 5 years! He went wake-boarding and tubing on the boat with the kids and their dad and really enjoyed that. He also tried kayaking with Lindzay and Kate,went hiking and managed to make it to OSU to see where Lindzay will be going to school. I do regret not being able to take him to the beach (the weather was not very nice) or to Seattle, but that leaves places for the next time he comes.

Every morning he greeted us with a pleasant "good morning" and was an adventurous eater. He tried everything that was placed on the table! I love that and he even found a few things that he really enjoyed. Bastien helped Deza with learning her French and he didn't even laugh (not too hard, anyway!) at my pronounciation and attempts at French which is very rusty to say the least!

Bastien has touched us all with his visit this year...his true kind and accepting character is such a joy to see when all you hear these days is how difficult teens are. He was a great example for my son of how to behave and to treat his sisters (and Bastien didn't hesitate to point out some rude behaviors!). He was great for Lindzay. Bastien tempered her often volatile personality. He helped me every day he was here, even if all he did was put his plate in the dishwasher and thank me for the meal. I knew he appreciated it and the thanks was heart felt.

I will miss him very much and hope the next time we see him he will have fulfilled his desire to be chosen as one of the select few to craft artisanal violins. Who knows--one day I may get to say I knew one of the greatest violin artists in the world!

Take care Bastien and we love you!!

Gros Bisoux.

Ambassador

This year my 3rd child will be graduating from Middle School, or 8th grade (geesh I'm getting old!). Because of that honor, Deza got to be a "Wood Ambassador" on Tuesday for the incoming 6th graders. And with the clear, palpable confusion of these poor kids evident the minute we came in the door, I completely understand why they have them start classes one day before the rest of the students.



Although I'm not sure that a look like this inspires trust from the 6th graders... I'm sure they thought they would be given wrong locker combinations and placed in the wrong classrooms among other things. Deza loves keeping them guessing!



Deza has gone to Wood since 6th grade so she knows well what it feels like to be a newcomer to a very large Middle School. She understand how much different it is than Primary School and she is very empathetic to the fears and concerns the new kids have. Also she is one of the youngest kids in her grade. Deza was born overseas and started school a year earlier than she would have if born here, so she is very used to being the youngest and the smallest. But, she is also one of the smartest kids in her grade, so she can give encouragement to the new kids on many levels and truly enjoys giving them a helping hand.



Portables. A vision of both success and overcrowding. Due to population growth and being the only Middle School in town, there is a need for these portable classrooms this year and Deza wanted it to be known how distasteful the thought of having classes in the portables is. Not likely her opinion is going to lead to any changes, but she just felt they should know! I told her that I had classes in portables when I was in school, and I encouraged her to be thankful that we are in Oregon and not in Saskatchewan where I grew up. At least here the temperature is no where near the -40 that I frequently dealt with and our portables were freezing!! So, in her last year at Wood, she will celebrate her geometry class in the portables and give thanks everytime the heat clicks in to keep the mobile classroom warm and say a kind thank you to the newbee geo teacher, just out of college who is banished...I mean assigned to it and maybe I'll knit him a scarf!!

First Day of School Part 2

Like I mentioned before, Tici has Ms. Provost this year for Grade 2. She is a pleasant, young, energetic, young, enthusiastic, young, athletic, (did I mention Young? Why do they all look like they're 12??!!) young lady. Tici appears to have taken to her easily.



We find her seat, next to Devin, and she immediately says "hi" to the 5 other kids in her little pod. (Gone are the days of rows and rows of desks, now the kids sit in pods of 4 or 6 and can interact with their classmates more than we were able to...).



So, unlike last year, Tici picks up a pencil crayon and starts working on her paper at her new desk. I managed to get a quick hug and kiss and she "dismissed" me by starting her work. No tears this year...my baby is growing up and needs me just a little less than a year ago...So its my turn to wish her a great day and leave her, with damp eyes myself, marvelling at this wonderful little girl I get to call MY daughter!

First Day of School First Installment

It is so hard to believe that summer 08 is over already and today starts the school year 08-09. Where did the time go? We still had so many things we wanted to do! But one person who isn't sorry for the day today is Tici. She is totally excited to be starting Grade 2 today and going back to the school routine. (No, I don't think anything is wrong with her!!) This morning she was up bright and early, dressed in the new clothes she picked out the night before and is sitting down to start her morning with oatmeal and fresh blueberries, yum.



Once she is finished eating, she double checks her backpack and tries it on to be sure she can still stand up when she is wearing it! Darn thing is so heavy! But then she wants a picture showing she can carry the backpack and her piglet and still give a finger "2" sign. What a girl!



Bryson, on the other hand, is not happy at all about the start of school. Getting up at 7:30 REALLY cuts into the summer habit of sleeping till noon. He's definately not got his happy face on and his back pack consists of pen, 1 binder and a few sheets of paper. Hardly seems fair that 11th grade backpacks are so light!!




Once both kids are ready we load into the van. Usually I drive Tici and Bryson to school in the morning when I'm home and Tici takes the bus when I'm at work. She likes getting dropped off by mom best though...




Tici's teacher this year is Ms. Provost and many of her friends from 1st grade are in her class, but she has new friends to make too...